Posts by Malisa

What moving across the country taught me about my beliefs

Earlier this week I shared how we moved to North Carolina one year ago. The story continues by going back in time a tiny bit to May 1, 2013...

On this particular day, I formally gave my notice to the California Department of Education (DOE) that I would be leaving work there and moving to Raleigh. Two days later, we would find out, we were pregnant with our sweet son, Samuel. Even with finding out we were pregnant, Anthony and I knew we were still supposed to move.

We had no jobs lined up. I did have a phone interview scheduled with the NC DOE and thought I would get the job. We had money in savings and were scheduled to continue being paid through the middle of August. We had a place to live until the middle of August too. We had health insurance through September. Not wanting to jeopardize our chance to get new health care and have the pregnancy covered, we didn't see a doctor to confirm we were pregnant. I just took 4 tests. 

When I gave my notice a year ago, I told my boss I had some leads at the NC DOE and he kindly said I wouldn't have any trouble finding employment. I greatly appreciated his faith in me. I wouldn't have said so at the time, but I thought I was a great employee and would be employed by July 1, at the latest. Little did I know, this would not be what happened. 

Shortly after arriving in Durham (about 25 minutes from Raleigh) on June 3, I began working at a preschool on a temporary assignment. After that ended, I worked at a pool supply store for 3 weeks. All the while, applying for many, many jobs to work for the State of NC. I had two interviews at the DOE in September. Anthony and I felt I needed to tell them I was pregnant and I didn't get the jobs. This came as a huge let down to me. How was I ever supposed to contribute to our family if I wasn't making money? How come things weren't working out for me to be successful? Why did I have to rely on Anthony and why wasn't God letting me take care of myself? 

These questions led to much thought and life reflection. I was face to face with the reality that I believed I only had value if I was making money. Here's another way of saying that: if I don't bring home a paycheck, I don't think I'm worthwhile. Which brought up the next truth: I did not believe that being a stay-at-home mom was a valuable profession. Sure, to any mom's face, I would say it was the most important job and I really thought I believed this. That is until I realized there is no paycheck. I can't be a career woman and take care of Samuel full time. 

My personal value was wrapped up in my ability to make money and be successful in the work world. Ouch. That is pretty messed up if you're a follower of Christ. And you say you are living for something greater than yourself. It isn't what a good wife would think. It certainly isn't what a loving mom would think either. But that's what I believed. 

I think we had to move here and not get "stable" jobs until December for me to realize how my measure of God's provision was my ability to provide for myself. And no sooner did the stable job come, that Anthony needed to resign because he didn't feel comfortable with staying there. So here we were in North Carolina, 2,770 miles away from our families with no jobs, a new baby, and one month of money left. 

I would have never agreed to move to North Carolina one year ago had I known what was coming. 

I needed to rely on God. In other words, I needed to be put in a circumstance where I actually needed God. I enjoyed relying on myself, because I knew I would come through. I've always prided myself in my ability to achieve and earn gold stars.

Moving here has taught me that God comes through too. Even if it's at the last minute. As of today, we have never gone without food, shelter, or clothing. Our daily needs have been met. What a huge gift it has been to be taken care of just as scripture promises. 

If God clothes the field grass, will he not clothe you? If He feeds sparrows, will he not feed you? No need to worry dear child, God cares far more about you than birds or grasses. 

Proof that God has taken excellent care of us!