For many months I have convinced myself that I don't have anything worth writing about. And what I write doesn't matter to you. I feel like just another voice amongst the millions of writers/bloggers out there. I have often thought my words are no different than the next person. I don't want to become a "mom" blogger who gets on a soapbox and thinks I am an expert on child-rearing. But I think there might be a person out there who would be helped by reading what I have to say.
Let's start with the thing I've been plagued with since December 23, when our first child Samuel was born. Being a mom is much harder than I ever thought. I have gotten on my own soapbox and written about how mom's should say positive things about being a parent. I'm not saying I don't enjoy being a mom. I am saying it is the most difficult thing I've ever done. Way harder than working full time and getting my Master's Degree. More challenging than being married. Light years tougher than moving across the country.
One reason I believe the mom-life is strenuous: I'm a perfectionist. I do not want to fail my child. I do not want to make mistakes and I certainly don't want Sammy to go to counseling because of how we parented him. Another reason is: spiritual attack. We are endeavoring to raise our son to know and love God. We cannot control whether he will accept God, but we can raise him and be examples of loving and serving Jesus.
I want to share some of my journey with you as I discover how to be a mom who lives free of guilt and fear. I don't want to hide and pretend I'm doing ok when some days I'm not. Friend, if you're out there reading this post in the middle of the night and wondering why your baby is crying. I know how that feels. I don't have any answers other than the one bit of advice my 84-year-old grandpa told me:
The only way to parent is from your knees
The comfort this statement has given me has been unbelievable. Parenting and sleep training books are all helpful. Talking to other parents brings insight. But often for me, the only thing that works is prayer. Asking my Father for wisdom and what I should do for a particular nap, a certain food, what to do next. Prayer is the key. Or at least that's what I think with my 10 months and 8 days in to this (and heeding to the wisdom of my grandpa).
My Grandpa and Grandma Roome praying over Sammy, July 2014
Friend, you are not alone and you are not failing your child. Cry out to the Lord. The word says,
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. - James 1:5 (NIV)