I began writing these posts November 2012. They share the difficult journey we traveled when we wanted to have a baby.
Waiting is an interesting lesson to learn. There are many things I’ve discovered about myself as I wait for that dreaded "time of the month" which means we aren't pregnant.
Being a parent is not inside of my control. I’m already learning to let go. I think that’s the biggest lesson I’ve discovered thus far. Nothing goes according to plan. From the moment I thought we were ready, to the moment our baby is born; it’s all outside of my control.
When I visited my doctor recently he said it’s a miracle any babies are born. I wholeheartedly agreed with him.
I’m still waiting and learning. I’ve learned that I love Anthony even more than before. I have come to appreciate watching TV uninterrupted, sleeping through the night, spontaneous overnight trips. I hope that someday, I’ll have these memories to look back on. In a strange way, I’m learning to be content in the now. Which is all that I’ve actually been given. I don’t know if I’ll ever be a mom, but I do know I am a friend, wife, and employee today. I’m trying to enjoy these “roles” that I’ve been given and look forward to the future. A future that I’m sure will be better than anything I could plan for myself. It's November 20, 2012, I don't know if my future includes a son or daughter.