Growing Our Family Part One: The Heart Softening

I began writing these posts November 2012. They share the difficult journey we traveled when we wanted to have a baby. 

I’ve always wanted to have kids, but never knew how to make the jump from being a "table for two" to “table for two, plus a high chair.”

On February 11, 2011, I sat at a restaurant across from my friend Jackie. She was 7 months pregnant at the time. With tears welling up in my eyes, I asked her to pray that God would change my heart about making the leap to become a parent.

Have you ever shared the negative aspects of your day to a friend to get those feelings out? You know what I’m talking about. I’ve been the listener in these conversations where my friend has told me about the challenges she’s having with her kids, her job, maybe even her husband. She doesn’t mean to discourage me from wanting to be a mom, but little does she know, what she’s saying is negative advertising for motherhood.

When someone describes a particularly challenging or negative experience, it makes me want to run the other way. I take a mental note; NEVER go that direction. That’s what was happening with me when my friends would talk about their parenting experiences.  

I’ve come to realize that it’s a marathon. There are times that are awesome. You get that runner’s high (although I know nothing about that, since I never run!)  There are times that you want to quit, but your experience teaches you to keep going. Then when you cross that finish line, there is a huge victory.

As humans, we have a tendency to share negative feelings. But what I need to hear from my mom-friends is all of the wonderful things about being a mom. The hugs you get in the middle of the night, the unconditional love; the opportunity to shape future leaders and the next generation. I’d love to hear more about these types of things. I am already very well acquainted with how much my life will change when we have a baby.

Back to that conversation with Jackie. She said she would pray for me and I know she did. Over the summer, we spent many hours together. She modeled how having a baby changed your life…for the better. Her marriage thrived, her mothering thrived; all the while a softening was occurring with me.