I began writing these posts November 2012. They share the difficult journey we traveled when we wanted to have a baby.
It's strange to recall the feeelings I had from a year ago. It was a normal January day and I was visiting my sister Heidi. As I held my niece, Olivia, I sat with tears streaming down my face as "that time" had come again. I shared how sad I was that every one of my friends had gotten pregnant and many had already had their babies in the time we had been hoping to have one. Jackie had even found out she was pregnant with twins! Something I have always dreamed of!
Heidi consoled me and said, "Malis, it's normal to feel the way you do. In fact, it would be strange if you weren't upset. But the thing is, whenever you do get pregnant, we'll all know that this baby was wanted. And we can all tell him/her that their entiire family was praying that they would be born."
In February and March, I had some testing done to see if there was a reason we weren't getting pregnant. All the while, Anthony kept saying we'd have a baby in God's timing and not to get fertility treatment. I needed some answers. We were still pursuing moving to North Carolina. Finally after having an HSG (specialized x-ray of my uterus) and the doctor saying nothing was wrong, Anthony said we needed to put all of this on hold. We'd look into it in the fall once we were in Raleigh and settled.
We were both trying to get jobs, have Anthony's respiratory license transferred, researching places to live, amongst the sad process of beginning to say goodbye to our beloved family and friends.